Home[Denied] Landmine_Salesman's MPF App
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[Denied] Landmine_Salesman's MPF App
by Landmine_Salesman Sun Jun 08, 2014 1:27 am
**OOC portion**
Steam username: Landmine_Salesman
SteamID: STEAM_0:0:86154931
Ban history: I cannot think of anything.
Past RP experience: 1 Year of HL2RP Experience.
Past CP experience: About 15+ Different CW servers.
RP example:
(Shot in shoulder as CP scenario.)
/me Grabs at shoulder in pain "AAAHH!"
/me Attempts to shoot back, holding his gun in one hand.
Fuck me that hurts!
/me Applies pressure to wound. Attempting to stop the bleeding.
/me Pulls out radio.
Radios in <::NEEDS ASSISTANCE::>
/me Feels dizzy from blood loss.
/me Stumbles to wall, sitting against it.
/me Blacks out
*Fall over*
/me Wakes up
/me clenches at shoulder
/me struggles to feet
I don't know where he went. I blacked out.
Help me to the clinic!
(Being stopped by CP, or FearRP.)
/me Puts hands up
Okay! Please don't shoot!
/me walks over to wall
*wall emote*
Wh- what do you want?..
/me *Gets hit* Falls to knees
Ah! Please no! I'll do anything!
/me Doesn't resist, *Is tied*
/me Flinches as he is grabbed
/me Follows officer to cell
Please! Let me go!
/me hides in corner as officer enters cell
/me Flinches
Okay! Just don't beat me!
/me stumbles to feet
RP example of arresting a citizen and then the following punishment:
(Raid of an apartment, found Level 3 Contraband)
Oi! Stack!
/me Braces against the door, breaching position.
Ready.
Inject!
/me Fires at the lock, then swiftly kicks in the door.
*The 2 pointmen pacify the 2 anti-citizens inside*
/me Approaches the man, stunstick in hand, set to high voltage.
/y To the wall!
/me Raises his hand high above his head. Bringing the stunstick down ontop of his head, hoping to render him unconscious.
/me Grabs the man by the collar, dragging him into the hall.
/y 921! Take him in, will you? 4 Cycles, 5 ACM's.
-----------------------------------------------
Character backstory: Matt has no experience with any time prior to the 7-Hour war. He only remembers life in a dark, desolate bomb shelter. This is how he had survived with the combine slaugtering the rest of his race. He lived with his parents in this bunker, which housed three other family's. Only one of the other family's had any children, and they were all too old for him to really enjoy himself with them. Anytime he brought up the ladder to the ceiling, his parents always lashed out at him, telling him, "Don't talk about that." or, "It's nothing, Matt. Stop."
This intrigued him even more. Completely contradicting what his parents have been saying. Matt always vowed to himself that he would find out what was up their, and what his parents had been clouding himself from. He was a 13 year old boy, his parents had been keeping track of an old calender that had been wasting away with the rest of the items in the bunker. March 4th. The day he had been waiting for. Something about his life had been clutching his grasp from everything. he was bored. He didn;t enjoy his life and didn't like his parents holding him from everything.
He waited until everyone was asleep. He tookh his dark army green backpack that had been default to all inside of the bunker, a few cans of soup and other things that he needed. And left no note to his parents or anything, all he did was walk to the ladder and opened the rusty grate to this new world. He was surpassed by all of the destruction that had lied upon him, he had no idea what was good or evil in the outside world, all he knew was that this was a new world. He closed the bunker gate and stepped into the combine infested world.
Matt made his way across the ravaged, but beautiful, landscape without any contact with any other humans or Combine, as he had no idea where he was and what was going on. he came across a huge sewer system with a giant gate laid against a power box and a giant red button. He pressed it, he liked the color red. The gate screeched as it opened, he held his hands against his ears from the gigantic booming sound that it gave off. "Jeesusss!" he exclaimed. The gate came to a halt half way. He shrugged it off and walked into the large darkness infested tunnel. He squeaked for a second, reaching for his backpack, remembering he grabbed a military flashlight from the bunker. "Er. Here..." he said to himself, flicking the flash light on. The tunnel was illuminated in all directions he pointed, he grunted slightly with amusement of the light. "Cool." he said quietly, starting in the other direction, wanting to leave the dark tunnel as soon as possible.
The tunnel only went on for so far and to his surprise, it ended up at another similar gate like before. Same huge size, same power box and the same giant red button, He pressed the red button in hopes that it would open. Then came the screeching and screaming of the metal, as the gigantic gate came flying open much faster then the entrance's. he looked outside. It was still briight outside, but this landscape looked very much so different. It was the City 17 Canals. The barren yet lake ridden land was new to him, and so he stepped out from the giant gate and hopped into the water.. This was his first time coming in contact with water that wasn't in a bottle or used as a hot warm bath.
A figure had jumped into the water with him. This figure was a very much so different entity then he had ever seen in his life. A metro-cop. he jumped back from the water, slipping into it. He peered up towards the CP with dismay. The uniform the metro-cop had been wearing was much different from other default C18 metro-cop suits, as it was full jet-black, and had dark, red, piercing eyes. A scary sight for a thirteen year old. The CP was in a firm posture, holding a metal and rugged cross-bow, a melted bolt strung across the weapon. The CP reached out for him, but in a calm manner. He grabbed a hold of his hand and pulled him upwards out of the water. Matt started to shake and shudder while looking into the dark metro-cops red glowing eyes, until the figure spoke. "Well, you're a young one, aren't you?"
Matt hopped to his feet. The CP said in his deep vocoder, "What are you doing out here?" Matt, stunned, quivered to the CP "N-nothing!". Hardly able to move."Don't fret, young one," said the CP, "I am not going to hurt you." Matt stepped further away from the dark figure, hopping out of the water. he sis down on the cold ground, speaking to the CP. "You can ta-talk. Alright... wha- what are you?" The red eyes pondered, looking down at his face. "I am a human, just like you. This is a suit. I am not here to harm you." The CP adjusted its stature to a more firm look, standing chest out.
"Wel--well, if you're a human, what is your name?!" Said Lily, the figure retorting back to Matt's question, saying, "Hunter."
"Hunter... huh. Alright," Matt said, "Alright... we're getting somewhere." Hunter chuckled towards the small child, taking his cross-bow in one hand, reaching for his belt. His belt had an assortment of items and necessity's strung across it; bolts, two pistols and some tools. He reached for his nine-millimeter, ripping it off forcefully, throwing it to the small child. "What's this?" Matt asked.
"It's a gun. I'm surprised you're still alive without one - with all these fuck nuggets about." Matt looked at the gun, inspecting it quickly. "Whats it do?" He said. "It kills things. Shoot. Dead."Matt placed his hand over his mouth, holding onto the small, grey pistol tightly. "Jeez. Sounds kinda... brutal." Matt's new found companion, Hunter, stares at him for a split second. "It is. It's how you survive. Hey - how do you not know what's going on?"
"I went for a - uh, walk." Matt responded, frightened by Hunters response. Although he could not see Hunters face, he knew that at that moment he was dumb-founded by his response. "A walk? Do you really have no idea what this is? Who is taking care of you?"
"No-one is taking care of me. Not anymore..." Said Matt. "Huh," Said Hunter, nodding slightly. "Well. I guess I will keep in touch." Hunter had never been in contact with a small child before, as he had not remembered anything from his prior life. All of that was behind him. This contact with Matt was what was going to keep him sane. He didn't express it towards him directly, but he had already wanted to keep this child safe from the moment he laid eyes on her.
"Actually, follow me." Said Hunter, pointing towards the abandoned housing complex.
The door opened with a large shrieking noise. The room was mostly empty, a fireplace, a couch and a rusty bicycle layed waste in the room. Hunter waves Matt in with a burst of joy, closing the shrieking door behind him. Mattt turns to Hunter and then back to the firepalce, which was still burning. He ran over to it, dropping down to the floor in a submissive and vulnerable way. Looking up to Hunter, he says, "Ahhhh. It's so warm! What is this?!"
"It's a fireplace. Cozy, right?" Said Hunter, a smile over-taking him under his mask. "Yes," exclaimed Matt, "It's really cozy! Hehe."
Matt stands up, running over to the couch on the wall, hopping onto it playfully. "You said I could stay here?"
"Yes, this is your home now. I live back in a warehouse not too far from here." Says Hunter, staring happily at Matt, who then retorts back saying, "I didn't expect such a friendly person from someone so frightening looking."
Hunter chuckles under his happy sounding voice, "I get that a lot. When I'm not around the fuck nuggets outside I can be a pretty swell guy--" Hunter stops for a second to cough under his mask, breathing in, talking once more, "Although I don't really talk that much."
Matt nods slowly, showing Hunter that he was listening. "Well," says Hunter "I guess it's time for me to get back ho--home. You stay safe, kid. Oh, lastly, what did you say your name was?"
"Matt."
"Alright," says Hunter, closing the door slowly, "Stay safe - This is our strong city."
Matt spent the rest of his life with Hunter. Learning about the new world around him. He eventually grew and looked to follow in Hunter's footsteps. Applying as a CP.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
**IC portion**
Name: Matt Notman
CID: #65453
Age: 31
Birth year: 1989
Past crimes: 1 Audio Violation, that's all.
Loyalty Points: None, I was just transferred.
Citizen Status: Citizen.
Medical/Engineering experience: Yes [!!] No [ ]
If yes, which (or both) and explain: Medical, I took a bunch of first aid classes before the war.
Why do you want to join the Union?: I wish to be as useful as possible at the moment. I'm not doing much to help the cause twiddling my thumbs everyday.
Any other information you wish to share?:
Your assigned apartment will be checked regularly. This is for your safety. Do you understand? Yes [!!!] No [ ]
You may or may not be awarded with extra benefits according to your dedication whilst on-duty. Do you understand? Yes [!!!] No [ ]
You may not reveal your identity to anyone but fellow units and family members, but only if you know you can trust them entirely. This is for your safety. Do you understand? Yes [!!!] No [ ]
Steam username: Landmine_Salesman
SteamID: STEAM_0:0:86154931
Ban history: I cannot think of anything.
Past RP experience: 1 Year of HL2RP Experience.
Past CP experience: About 15+ Different CW servers.
RP example:
(Shot in shoulder as CP scenario.)
/me Grabs at shoulder in pain "AAAHH!"
/me Attempts to shoot back, holding his gun in one hand.
Fuck me that hurts!
/me Applies pressure to wound. Attempting to stop the bleeding.
/me Pulls out radio.
Radios in <::NEEDS ASSISTANCE::>
/me Feels dizzy from blood loss.
/me Stumbles to wall, sitting against it.
/me Blacks out
*Fall over*
/me Wakes up
/me clenches at shoulder
/me struggles to feet
I don't know where he went. I blacked out.
Help me to the clinic!
(Being stopped by CP, or FearRP.)
/me Puts hands up
Okay! Please don't shoot!
/me walks over to wall
*wall emote*
Wh- what do you want?..
/me *Gets hit* Falls to knees
Ah! Please no! I'll do anything!
/me Doesn't resist, *Is tied*
/me Flinches as he is grabbed
/me Follows officer to cell
Please! Let me go!
/me hides in corner as officer enters cell
/me Flinches
Okay! Just don't beat me!
/me stumbles to feet
RP example of arresting a citizen and then the following punishment:
(Raid of an apartment, found Level 3 Contraband)
Oi! Stack!
/me Braces against the door, breaching position.
Ready.
Inject!
/me Fires at the lock, then swiftly kicks in the door.
*The 2 pointmen pacify the 2 anti-citizens inside*
/me Approaches the man, stunstick in hand, set to high voltage.
/y To the wall!
/me Raises his hand high above his head. Bringing the stunstick down ontop of his head, hoping to render him unconscious.
/me Grabs the man by the collar, dragging him into the hall.
/y 921! Take him in, will you? 4 Cycles, 5 ACM's.
-----------------------------------------------
Character backstory: Matt has no experience with any time prior to the 7-Hour war. He only remembers life in a dark, desolate bomb shelter. This is how he had survived with the combine slaugtering the rest of his race. He lived with his parents in this bunker, which housed three other family's. Only one of the other family's had any children, and they were all too old for him to really enjoy himself with them. Anytime he brought up the ladder to the ceiling, his parents always lashed out at him, telling him, "Don't talk about that." or, "It's nothing, Matt. Stop."
This intrigued him even more. Completely contradicting what his parents have been saying. Matt always vowed to himself that he would find out what was up their, and what his parents had been clouding himself from. He was a 13 year old boy, his parents had been keeping track of an old calender that had been wasting away with the rest of the items in the bunker. March 4th. The day he had been waiting for. Something about his life had been clutching his grasp from everything. he was bored. He didn;t enjoy his life and didn't like his parents holding him from everything.
He waited until everyone was asleep. He tookh his dark army green backpack that had been default to all inside of the bunker, a few cans of soup and other things that he needed. And left no note to his parents or anything, all he did was walk to the ladder and opened the rusty grate to this new world. He was surpassed by all of the destruction that had lied upon him, he had no idea what was good or evil in the outside world, all he knew was that this was a new world. He closed the bunker gate and stepped into the combine infested world.
Matt made his way across the ravaged, but beautiful, landscape without any contact with any other humans or Combine, as he had no idea where he was and what was going on. he came across a huge sewer system with a giant gate laid against a power box and a giant red button. He pressed it, he liked the color red. The gate screeched as it opened, he held his hands against his ears from the gigantic booming sound that it gave off. "Jeesusss!" he exclaimed. The gate came to a halt half way. He shrugged it off and walked into the large darkness infested tunnel. He squeaked for a second, reaching for his backpack, remembering he grabbed a military flashlight from the bunker. "Er. Here..." he said to himself, flicking the flash light on. The tunnel was illuminated in all directions he pointed, he grunted slightly with amusement of the light. "Cool." he said quietly, starting in the other direction, wanting to leave the dark tunnel as soon as possible.
The tunnel only went on for so far and to his surprise, it ended up at another similar gate like before. Same huge size, same power box and the same giant red button, He pressed the red button in hopes that it would open. Then came the screeching and screaming of the metal, as the gigantic gate came flying open much faster then the entrance's. he looked outside. It was still briight outside, but this landscape looked very much so different. It was the City 17 Canals. The barren yet lake ridden land was new to him, and so he stepped out from the giant gate and hopped into the water.. This was his first time coming in contact with water that wasn't in a bottle or used as a hot warm bath.
A figure had jumped into the water with him. This figure was a very much so different entity then he had ever seen in his life. A metro-cop. he jumped back from the water, slipping into it. He peered up towards the CP with dismay. The uniform the metro-cop had been wearing was much different from other default C18 metro-cop suits, as it was full jet-black, and had dark, red, piercing eyes. A scary sight for a thirteen year old. The CP was in a firm posture, holding a metal and rugged cross-bow, a melted bolt strung across the weapon. The CP reached out for him, but in a calm manner. He grabbed a hold of his hand and pulled him upwards out of the water. Matt started to shake and shudder while looking into the dark metro-cops red glowing eyes, until the figure spoke. "Well, you're a young one, aren't you?"
Matt hopped to his feet. The CP said in his deep vocoder, "What are you doing out here?" Matt, stunned, quivered to the CP "N-nothing!". Hardly able to move."Don't fret, young one," said the CP, "I am not going to hurt you." Matt stepped further away from the dark figure, hopping out of the water. he sis down on the cold ground, speaking to the CP. "You can ta-talk. Alright... wha- what are you?" The red eyes pondered, looking down at his face. "I am a human, just like you. This is a suit. I am not here to harm you." The CP adjusted its stature to a more firm look, standing chest out.
"Wel--well, if you're a human, what is your name?!" Said Lily, the figure retorting back to Matt's question, saying, "Hunter."
"Hunter... huh. Alright," Matt said, "Alright... we're getting somewhere." Hunter chuckled towards the small child, taking his cross-bow in one hand, reaching for his belt. His belt had an assortment of items and necessity's strung across it; bolts, two pistols and some tools. He reached for his nine-millimeter, ripping it off forcefully, throwing it to the small child. "What's this?" Matt asked.
"It's a gun. I'm surprised you're still alive without one - with all these fuck nuggets about." Matt looked at the gun, inspecting it quickly. "Whats it do?" He said. "It kills things. Shoot. Dead."Matt placed his hand over his mouth, holding onto the small, grey pistol tightly. "Jeez. Sounds kinda... brutal." Matt's new found companion, Hunter, stares at him for a split second. "It is. It's how you survive. Hey - how do you not know what's going on?"
"I went for a - uh, walk." Matt responded, frightened by Hunters response. Although he could not see Hunters face, he knew that at that moment he was dumb-founded by his response. "A walk? Do you really have no idea what this is? Who is taking care of you?"
"No-one is taking care of me. Not anymore..." Said Matt. "Huh," Said Hunter, nodding slightly. "Well. I guess I will keep in touch." Hunter had never been in contact with a small child before, as he had not remembered anything from his prior life. All of that was behind him. This contact with Matt was what was going to keep him sane. He didn't express it towards him directly, but he had already wanted to keep this child safe from the moment he laid eyes on her.
"Actually, follow me." Said Hunter, pointing towards the abandoned housing complex.
The door opened with a large shrieking noise. The room was mostly empty, a fireplace, a couch and a rusty bicycle layed waste in the room. Hunter waves Matt in with a burst of joy, closing the shrieking door behind him. Mattt turns to Hunter and then back to the firepalce, which was still burning. He ran over to it, dropping down to the floor in a submissive and vulnerable way. Looking up to Hunter, he says, "Ahhhh. It's so warm! What is this?!"
"It's a fireplace. Cozy, right?" Said Hunter, a smile over-taking him under his mask. "Yes," exclaimed Matt, "It's really cozy! Hehe."
Matt stands up, running over to the couch on the wall, hopping onto it playfully. "You said I could stay here?"
"Yes, this is your home now. I live back in a warehouse not too far from here." Says Hunter, staring happily at Matt, who then retorts back saying, "I didn't expect such a friendly person from someone so frightening looking."
Hunter chuckles under his happy sounding voice, "I get that a lot. When I'm not around the fuck nuggets outside I can be a pretty swell guy--" Hunter stops for a second to cough under his mask, breathing in, talking once more, "Although I don't really talk that much."
Matt nods slowly, showing Hunter that he was listening. "Well," says Hunter "I guess it's time for me to get back ho--home. You stay safe, kid. Oh, lastly, what did you say your name was?"
"Matt."
"Alright," says Hunter, closing the door slowly, "Stay safe - This is our strong city."
Matt spent the rest of his life with Hunter. Learning about the new world around him. He eventually grew and looked to follow in Hunter's footsteps. Applying as a CP.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
**IC portion**
Name: Matt Notman
CID: #65453
Age: 31
Birth year: 1989
Past crimes: 1 Audio Violation, that's all.
Loyalty Points: None, I was just transferred.
Citizen Status: Citizen.
Medical/Engineering experience: Yes [!!] No [ ]
If yes, which (or both) and explain: Medical, I took a bunch of first aid classes before the war.
Why do you want to join the Union?: I wish to be as useful as possible at the moment. I'm not doing much to help the cause twiddling my thumbs everyday.
Any other information you wish to share?:
Your assigned apartment will be checked regularly. This is for your safety. Do you understand? Yes [!!!] No [ ]
You may or may not be awarded with extra benefits according to your dedication whilst on-duty. Do you understand? Yes [!!!] No [ ]
You may not reveal your identity to anyone but fellow units and family members, but only if you know you can trust them entirely. This is for your safety. Do you understand? Yes [!!!] No [ ]
Landmine_Salesman- Posts : 3
Join date : 2014-06-08
Re: [Denied] Landmine_Salesman's MPF App
by Dr.Nathan100 Sun Jun 08, 2014 3:23 am
Wow, I am impressed by this application, especially your back story. It's unique, if not a little questionable. Anyways, I want to see what you got, RP wise. Catch me or Nugget on the server sometime.
Dr.Nathan100- Owner
- Posts : 34
Join date : 2014-03-27
Re: [Denied] Landmine_Salesman's MPF App
by NuggetandSkull Mon Jun 09, 2014 1:00 am
The roleplay example I have major issues with. Early on, your actions are incredibly simple and lacking in detail. The server can't hold a novel for each reply, but something so short seems a bit out of place. The arrest example also seems a bit strange. Did they know the citizen would have contraband? Was the citizen a general trouble citizen? Was he keeping the door locked, thus meriting the breach? I would advise looking over the protocol found here. Another issue I have is that the unit gives the pistol to Matt. Loaded or unloaded, a weapon given to an unknown person, regardless of age, is a major slip up. Also, units do not use crossbows in any division, be it OTA or MPF. Another issue I take with this is how casual the unit is. Why not radio in he found someone? Since he's still in the grace period, why not more specifically radio in he found a non-citizen? Also, who is Lily and why are they only mentioned once in the backstory? I find it all to be a bit campy at best, though I have to agree with Nathan that it's unique to say the least. I appreciate the effort you put into it and hope you revise it somewhat.
At the very least, I personally like how casual his reasoning for joining the Union is but ICly that may not entirely fly (but it won't exactly be a 'TURN HIM DOWN IMMEDIATELY' deal). It elicited a chuckle from me and it's always nice to laugh.
For now, pending. Like most people, I'd like to see or RP with you on the server.
At the very least, I personally like how casual his reasoning for joining the Union is but ICly that may not entirely fly (but it won't exactly be a 'TURN HIM DOWN IMMEDIATELY' deal). It elicited a chuckle from me and it's always nice to laugh.
For now, pending. Like most people, I'd like to see or RP with you on the server.
NuggetandSkull- Co-Owner
- Posts : 124
Join date : 2014-03-26
Age : 30
Location : The Guide Sweatshop -
Re: [Denied] Landmine_Salesman's MPF App
by Landmine_Salesman Mon Jun 09, 2014 12:50 pm
Thanks for the feedback guys. Also, in the backstory. Hunter is not an actual MPF. He is resistance in a suit. And he had the crossbow because he was in the slums areas of the city. So he wouldn't have to worry about blowing his cover by not using MPF weaponry.
Landmine_Salesman- Posts : 3
Join date : 2014-06-08
Re: [Denied] Landmine_Salesman's MPF App
by NuggetandSkull Mon Jun 09, 2014 6:52 pm
I see. So instead of MPF, he was resistance? Who registered him for citizenship? Why would a resistance member basically raise this kid when he's a liability? The next question is why would this kid go try and join the MPF afterwards? I'm finding some issues in the portion of the backstory, I'll be honest, but I still want to see your server RP when you have the chance.Landmine_Salesman wrote:Thanks for the feedback guys. Also, in the backstory. Hunter is not an actual MPF. He is resistance in a suit. And he had the crossbow because he was in the slums areas of the city. So he wouldn't have to worry about blowing his cover by not using MPF weaponry.
NuggetandSkull- Co-Owner
- Posts : 124
Join date : 2014-03-26
Age : 30
Location : The Guide Sweatshop -
Re: [Denied] Landmine_Salesman's MPF App
by Arsenic Sulphide Tue Jun 10, 2014 4:01 pm
I found a couple of glaring issues in this. How did Hunter get his uniform - did he manage to kill someone already by 2002 and if so I need to know how; or is he MPF and if so why is he wearing his uniform that far out without reprimand?
If Hunter is MPF then see above; if he is not then why does Matt want to join the MPF to "follow in his footsteps"?
Who is Lily? Why do you use a "her" pronoun?
Why did he give a 13-year-old a sidearm?
If he was hiding out in the slums did he eventually get registered? He must have if he's going to join the MPF, but the deadline was by '04 or he would have been amputated as an unregistered.
Full notes below, but I think your backstory needs serious work, and your RP Examples were a little lacking. If you have any questions about any of the following notes (should you choose to read them) then send me a PM and we'll sort it out. Pending from me.
If Hunter is MPF then see above; if he is not then why does Matt want to join the MPF to "follow in his footsteps"?
Who is Lily? Why do you use a "her" pronoun?
Why did he give a 13-year-old a sidearm?
If he was hiding out in the slums did he eventually get registered? He must have if he's going to join the MPF, but the deadline was by '04 or he would have been amputated as an unregistered.
Full notes below, but I think your backstory needs serious work, and your RP Examples were a little lacking. If you have any questions about any of the following notes (should you choose to read them) then send me a PM and we'll sort it out. Pending from me.
- Notes:
-If you're feeling dizzy from bloodloss within seconds of being shot, either that wound isn't your only problem, or you're going to be dead within 10 minutes, if not 5.
-Again, blacking out, by all indication within seconds of being shot.
-What did you do exactly that you're having a gun pointed at you immediately in your second example?
-Did you find contraband outside of the apartment, or did you just neglect to actually find it in the third rp example?
-"No experience with any time prior to the 7-hour war" He was 13 and that was in ~2002 and you mean to tell me that despite being 10 in 2000 before the Combine came he was never once outside? Quoi?
-The Seven-Hour War is called such because it was a war, not a genocide. They didn't glass the surface or kill everyone in sight. The "rest of his race" pretty well made it through too.
-The entire beginning is very condensed and then the latter half is excessively detailed. Why is this?
-Do you mean to tell me this kid lived for 13 years from 1989 onward inside of this bunker?
-"Matt made his way across the...landscape" Kid got lucky I guess, not being spotted by a fly-over.
-Why is there a convenient panel near the sewer entrance (x2)
-No one notices that the sewers are opening?
-"Hot warm bath"
-If he's supposed to be resistance, maybe don't call him a Metro-Cop.
-It's 2002 and this man has a Crossbow and a Metropolitan Police Uniform
-Why does he want in the MPF if he was raised by a rebel
-"CP" "metrocop" "CP" "CP" "Metrocop" Seriously you're calling him a Metrocop a lot for being Resistance. Matt wouldn't have known he was a Metrocop so why do you refer to him as such if he isn't anyway?
-quiver. v. to tremble or shake with a slight rapid motion. You're using it as though it's a verb applicable to a speech pattern, what exactly does that entail? It's not like giggling out a hello where it's already an audial verb.
-Who is Lily?
-This conversation doesn't feel very organic. He's terrified and then suddenly he's just calm and casual with a "Alright...we're getting somewhere"???
-Yes lets give the kid you just met a pistol, Hunter. He could blow his own head off but yes let's give a 13-year-old a pistol.
-Kid doesn't even know what a gun is and you let him keep it?
-Hunter just doesn't remember pre-Union? You wanna run that by me again?
-"From the moment he laid eyes on her" Did you take an older backstory and appropriate it or something because there's a name and a pronoun now that are out of place
-"Waves Matt in with a burst of joy" what. With a burst of joy?
-"He ran over to it, dropping down to the floor in a submissive and vulnerable way." Smut scene incoming
-Also; if he's resistance how is applying to the MPF following in his footsteps? If he is MPF, then I think you should know that they do need to report in when they're on duty, so if he's just wandering around then he'd get reprimanded and if he kept doing it he'd get kicked out.
Arsenic Sulphide- Admin
- Posts : 23
Join date : 2014-03-29
Re: [Denied] Landmine_Salesman's MPF App
by Landmine_Salesman Thu Jun 26, 2014 6:52 am
Bottom line guys is I spent alot of time on this. Is it accepted or naw?
Landmine_Salesman- Posts : 3
Join date : 2014-06-08
Re: [Denied] Landmine_Salesman's MPF App
by Dub! Tue Jul 01, 2014 3:29 pm
Hello. I see that this application has been stalling for quite a while, so I'm guessing that he has left the community. Nonetheless, I would like to say that this applications's backstory has been stolen from me. He simply replaced the name Lily to Matt and coined it for his own. If you'd like evidence I can easily provide to you that I was the one who wrote it. Thank you for reading this. This guy has stolen my story three times across three communities already.
Dub!- Posts : 2
Join date : 2014-07-01
Re: [Denied] Landmine_Salesman's MPF App
by NuggetandSkull Tue Jul 01, 2014 7:22 pm
Thank you for bringing this to our attention. If you would be willing to send a link to myself or another admin, we will gladly read up. As a community that encourages creativity, plagiarism will not be tolerated.Dub! wrote:Hello. I see that this application has been stalling for quite a while, so I'm guessing that he has left the community. Nonetheless, I would like to say that this applications's backstory has been stolen from me. He simply replaced the name Lily to Matt and coined it for his own. If you'd like evidence I can easily provide to you that I was the one who wrote it. Thank you for reading this. This guy has stolen my story three times across three communities already.
NuggetandSkull- Co-Owner
- Posts : 124
Join date : 2014-03-26
Age : 30
Location : The Guide Sweatshop -
Re: [Denied] Landmine_Salesman's MPF App
by Dub! Tue Jul 01, 2014 8:12 pm
NuggetandSkull wrote:Thank you for bringing this to our attention. If you would be willing to send a link to myself or another admin, we will gladly read up. As a community that encourages creativity, plagiarism will not be tolerated.Dub! wrote:Hello. I see that this application has been stalling for quite a while, so I'm guessing that he has left the community. Nonetheless, I would like to say that this applications's backstory has been stolen from me. He simply replaced the name Lily to Matt and coined it for his own. If you'd like evidence I can easily provide to you that I was the one who wrote it. Thank you for reading this. This guy has stolen my story three times across three communities already.
I sent you a PM on the forums. Once again, thanks for listening.
Dub!- Posts : 2
Join date : 2014-07-01
Re: [Denied] Landmine_Salesman's MPF App
by NuggetandSkull Tue Jul 01, 2014 8:52 pm
Denied. Backstory was stolen from another person and they were never credited. Evidence has been provided.
NuggetandSkull- Co-Owner
- Posts : 124
Join date : 2014-03-26
Age : 30
Location : The Guide Sweatshop -
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