A worn journal

January 27, 2020
The old buildings are crumbling around us now. I mean, they’re patching them up with those weird metal plates, but they’re soulless repairs. All they do are cover the holes so they can make their patrol easier, not to make us safe. Still, it’s been twenty years and the buildings are falling apart. Sometimes I think that those Combine buildings are actually growing! I don’t tell most folks because they’d think I’m crazy, but I know Joe sees it too. Why are they growing? What are they using to keep building? I wonder if there’s anything left of the buildings they built their bases onto.

January 29, 2020
I can’t make a permanent opinion on the Civil Protection. Most of them are cold and robotic, but they aren’t cruel. Just doing their job, I guess. I know folks like that from before the Combine showed up but still, a cop showing up just for the paycheck is questionable at best. Anyways, there’s the robot cops and then the ones that seem to genuinely care. I’ve had a few actually let a few minor crimes slide. A criticism here or there and a loitering count forgotten. Those are the ones I like, but it’s a shame they’re outnumbered by ones that are cruel. I’ve been dragged to an alley to be beaten for something I don’t remember doing. Maybe I had done it, I don’t know, but waking up in an alley with a fresh set of bruises and a headache doesn’t help jog my memory. I want to hate them for what they do to us, but I think they’re not much freer than the rest of us.

February 1, 2018
A CP came pounding at my door today. Apartment search. Ain’t hiding nothing so I let him look. You know, the other day I had a positive word about a few CPs, but now I’m starting to think they don’t exist and only pretend to be nice. This guy took one of my few left over rations and a handful of credits from my dresser. I would be happy he didn’t beat me, but how can I give credit to not hurting me when he still took what could be part of my livelihood? I don’t know, I’m tired and growing old so I may be letting them get away with what I’m too lazy to care about.

February 2, 2020
Apartment sweep was a hint of what was to come. A sector lockdown and a fine toothed comb from top to bottom. Got lucky as they had no issue with me so I spent most of my time to drink some water with the guy across the hall from me. Nice young man but he’s always tired all the time. With how he talks, you’d think he has a way out of the city. I doubt the CPs would let him go, but I won’t stop him if he does try. Maybe he could get me out too and we go travel the countryside until I die of old age? Heh, I’ll let him keep my shoes and socks so his feet don’t end up becoming solid callouses like mine.

February 16, 2020
Two weeks since I last wrote and for a sad reason. My neighbor was apparently finally ready to leave but before he could leave, a team of CPs hit his apartment and killed him. Didn’t even give him last words. I don’t know what to think anymore. Maybe they’re like their buildings and whatever is inside is just a frame. Maybe there’s no more human in there anymore.

[The journal ends abruptly, the start of another page seeming to hint at his chest hurting but not worrying about it]